


Seasonal Crafting for Chemists

by LizCarroll2612



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Chemistry, Christmas Fluff, Don't Try This At Home, Episode: s03e03 His Last Vow, Gen, Humour, Missing Scene, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-27
Updated: 2015-11-27
Packaged: 2018-05-03 16:38:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5298578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizCarroll2612/pseuds/LizCarroll2612
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock and Archie doing chemistry</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seasonal Crafting for Chemists

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jolie_Black](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jolie_Black/gifts).



> I got the basic idea for this story when I was playing “science consultant” for some nasty things Sherlock did in his kitchen in Jolie_Black’s story “Dust is Eloquent”, when I had just recently read her story “The Adventure of the Plush Shark”, in which Sherlock and Archie spend an afternoon together at the London Aquarium.
> 
> This is basically an amalgamation of Sherlock and Archie spending some more time together and the only “real” chemistry I do at home in my kitchen once in a while.  
> I’d like to point out, that when I mix this in my kitchen, I know what I’m doing - most of you probably don’t and in that case KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF THIS STUFF! (That's what the mature rating is for.)
> 
> The story is written in script format since that's how this story developed in my head because the two precursors were written that way. It's the first story that I wrote that way and it worked surprisingly well; I hope it also reads well like that.
> 
> I finished the first draft of this story one day before the attacks in Paris. So I’d like to add the disclaimer that just because chemists tend to exhibit a sometimes unsettling enthusiasm for things that go boom, we of course get the horrific tragedy when some $%#>^$ idiots use such things to kill and hurt people!
> 
> Thanks once again to Boton for betaing this story and for letting me check if things come across the way I intended.
> 
> The story is set during John’s and Mary’s “months of silence” when John lives with Sherlock again. It's shortly before Christmas.
> 
> DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME!

Saturday, 14th of December 2013

 _221B BAKER STREET. THE LIVING ROOM. The lights are off, the room is only dimly lit from the kitchen and from a chain of Christmas lights around the mirror._  
_Camera shot over the part of the living room in front of the fireplace, focusing on the view through the left window outbound. Atypically for England, but very effectively setting the mood, it's snowing outside._  
_The camera turns, pans slowly over John's and Sherlock's armchairs, the fireplace and the mirror with the Christmas lights. The skull wears a Santa hat._  
_The camera lands on the entrance to the kitchen where Sherlock is getting some plastic containers out of the kitchen cupboard and puts them onto the kitchen table, where we already see some lab equipment (beakers, plastic Petri dishes, spatulas and spoons, a kitchen scale you would also use for baking, a little paper bag and a little package with unspecified content among other things)._  
_Seen from the dark living room the lit kitchen looks warm and cozy._  
_Sherlock takes a look at his watch._

_John appears from the living room, standing at the entrance to the kitchen, holding up a newspaper._

JOHN: Sherlock, since when do you smoke a pipe?

SHERLOCK _(looking up from the table, where he was fiddling with the equipment)_ : I hardly smoke at all anymore, I never smoked a pipe - well, not with tobacco anyway…

JOHN _(holding up the newspaper)_ : Then what is this about? _(Reading from the paper)_ “The famous detective Sherlock Holmes enjoys smoking his Meerschaum pipe. It helps him think, when he works on his cases."

_John holds up the newspaper, we see a picture of Sherlock looking very sophisticated with an elegant Meerschaum pipe at his lips._

SHERLOCK: I smoke a pipe as much as I regularly wear a deerstalker! I never even had such a pipe in my hands let alone smoked it. That's totally photoshopped.

JOHN _(reading from the paper again)_ : "Mr. Sovlokakis, owner of a tobacco shop near the detective’s domicile in Marylebone, told us: "He comes in here very regularly and buys his favourite kinds of tobaccos and supplies. He has a very exclusive taste. We always chat about his cases. He was just here yesterday and bought a package of pipe cleaners."”

 _Sherlock's expression changes from confused to amused, he shakes his head, chuckling to himself._  
_The doorbell rings._  
_Sherlock walks out through the kitchen door into the corridor. We hear Mrs. Hudson and a woman's voice from downstairs._

 _Sherlock, Archie and Archie's Mom enter through the other door into the living room_.

ARCHIE'S MOM: Oh, we were so shocked, when we heard what happened to you! We're so happy that you're ok!

_Sherlock forces a smile._

ARCHIE _(excited)_ : What does it feel like to get shot?

ARCHIE'S MOM: Archie!

ARCHIE: Do you have a scar?

ARCHIE'S MOM _(louder)_ : Archie!

SHERLOCK: Oh, yes, I have!

_John joins them to greet the visitors._

_Archie's Mom greets him with a broad but somewhat over-friendly smile._

ARCHIE'S MOM _(pitifully)_ : John! How are you?

JOHN _(cagily)_ : Well… Ok...

ARCHIE'S MOM _(seems to be waiting for more. When John doesn't continue, she does.)_ : I'm so sorry that you and Mary…

JOHN _(forcing a smile)_ : Thank you…

ARCHIE’S MOM: A break-up is always a difficult situation, isn't it? No matter the… _(with a side glance towards Sherlock)_ circumstances…

_While John slowly starts to look irritated, obviously not wanting to talk about any of this, Sherlock starts to look slightly amused._

ARCHIE'S MOM: It must be especially hard now during the holidays? _(Again with a sideway glance to Sherlock)_ I hope you won't be alone?

SHERLOCK _(at the same time as John)_ : We’ve both got plans for Christmas.

JOHN _(at the same time as Sherlock)_ : I'll join Sherlock and his family for Christmas.

ARCHIE’S MOM _(smiling happily)_ : Oh, that's nice! Aren't you lucky that you have Sherlock…! _(Again apparently waiting for someone else to continue, when nobody says anything hastily continuing)_ ...to support you… in this situation...

ARCHIE _(eagerly)_ : Can we start now?

ARCHIE'S MOM _(remembering why they're here)_ : It's so great that you and Archie get along so well. I never thought that he'd be so excited about Christmas crafting. But when you proposed it he was completely enthusiastic. _(She gets ready to leave.)_ And I have time to do some Christmas shopping. _(She tries to hug Archie, he shakes her off, she smiles somewhere between understanding and disappointment.)_ Have fun you two!

_She turns and walks down the stairs.  
Sherlock and Archie are standing side by side looking after her. From behind they look like a smaller and taller copy of each other._

ARCHIE _(still looking after his Mom)_ : I take it, it's not the conventional kind of Christmas crafting?

_Sherlock turns his head and looks down at him, Archie looks up. They grin at each other._

SHERLOCK: It’s more the New Year's Eve kind of crafting...

\--------

_THE KITCHEN. Archie and Sherlock are standing in front of the kitchen table, both wearing safety goggles. Archie puts a metallic powder onto a Petri dish on the scale._

SHERLOCK: You need to take a clean spatula for each substance. You don't want to contaminate the chemicals.

_Archie pours the metal powder from the Petri dish into a beaker, walks over to the sink, cleans Petri dish and spatula and dries it with a towel._

SHERLOCK: You sure it's completely dry? You don't want to get your chemicals damp either.

ARCHIE: Yes.

_He takes the next container and reads from it._

ARCHIE: Aluminium powder. How much?

SHERLOCK _(looks at a note on the table)_ : 5 grams.

_Archie puts the Petri dish on the scale again. He starts to spoon the aluminium onto the Petri dish._

ARCHIE _(honestly interested)_ : Are you gay?

SHERLOCK _(not alarmed but a little amused)_ : Why would you think that?

ARCHIE: My Mom was chit chatting and giggling with a friend on the phone yesterday. She said it's really not helping the rumours that John moved in with you again so soon after his wedding.

_We see John sitting in his armchair in front of the fireplace. Letting his newspaper sink down, closing his eyes and leaning his head back with a sigh._

SHERLOCK _(grinning now)_ : What a happy coincidence that we met today to give her the opportunity to pry. _(speaking up to John)_ Wasn't so smart to tell her that you were going to spend the holidays with me and my family, was it?

_John gets up._

JOHN: I'll go for a walk.

_He gets out and slams the door._

ARCHIE: Although, she said these stories your ex-girlfriend told the newspapers didn't sound gay to say the least…

_We hear John trumping down the stairs, he bangs the door downstairs._

SHERLOCK: Well, then at least it was good for something… _(He takes a new plastic container and hands it to Archie.)_ We need 2 grams of this.

ARCHIE _(reading the label)_ : Potassium nitrate

SHERLOCK: That's the oxidizing agent, it causes the other substances to combust more rapidly and violently, so once we put that in, the mixture gets a little risky...

_Archie gets shining eyes while he weighs out the potassium nitrate and puts it into the beaker._

_He puts the spatula in to stir._

Sherlock _(smiling)_ : Stir gently

Archie _(excited)_ : Can this explode?

SHERLOCK: Well, if you don't happen to strike a spark with your spatula, which you hardly will just from stirring, it probably won't. But I certainly wouldn't tap my cigarette in there...

_Archie stirs carefully._

ARCHIE: Could you build bombs with this?

SHERLOCK: You could, but the metal powders are unnecessarily expensive in the amounts you would need for a bomb and it wouldn't work very well either. We use the metals to get the nice sparkles, but that's not what we need in a bomb, isn't it? You would use coal powder with some sulfur instead of the metals _(getting more and more enthusiastic while talking)_ and instead of the potassium nitrate you could use ammonium nitrate. That works almost as well but you don't need to order it in a chemical supply store since it's sold in every garden centre as ferti… _(He stops talking when he sees Archies listening intensly with shining eyes.)_

_He clears his throat._

SHERLOCK: Once we put the wallpaper paste and the water in we're safe.

_Archie takes a little carton from the table and puts the Petri dish on the scale. He looks at the list lying on the table._

ARCHIE: 15 grams?

_Sherlock nods._

_Archie takes the spatula and puts the dry flakes of instant wallpaper paste on the Petri dish._

ARCHIE _(seemingly concentrating on weighing, not looking at Sherlock)_ : Are you sad that your girlfriend broke up with you?

SHERLOCK: Well,... She wasn't… _(Evasively)_ It's a little complicated...

ARCHIE _(slightly irritated)_ : That's what my mom always says when she has trouble with her boyfriend...

SHERLOCK _(defensive)_ : Maybe things like that just ARE complicated…

ARCHIE: Why do people want girlfriends or boyfriends if it's always complicated?

SHERLOCK _(with a snort)_ : That's a very good question!

ARCHIE: My mom puts up with her boyfriend although she always says he's an idiot!  
My friend’s older brother has a girlfriend now… He has to watch films he doesn't like, has to listen to music he doesn't like, has to spend time with her friends that he doesn't like and doesn't have any time anymore for all the things he does like…

_Sherlock grimaces._

ARCHIE: Why would anyone want that?

SHERLOCK _(wondering how HE of all people became the person to re-adjust a boy’s disillusioned view on relationships, a little helpless)_ : Well, I’ve been told that it doesn't always have to be that way. It's supposedly pretty nice sometimes.

ARCHIE: ...supposedly…? ...sometimes…? _(He looks at Sherlock like: Are you kidding me?!)_

SHERLOCK _(trying to provide an answer)_ : Maybe people are scared to be alone…?

ARCHIE _(thoughtfully)_ : My Mom certainly is...

SHERLOCK _(helplessly)_ : Maybe everybody just has to find his way of not being alone…

ARCHIE: Have you?

SHERLOCK: What?

ARCHIE: ...found your way…?

SHERLOCK _(first thoughtfully)_ : Well, kind of… _(more confident)_ Yes…

_Archie nods reasonably content. He pours the instant wallpaper paste flakes from the Petri dish into the beaker and steers with the spatula._

ARCHIE: How much water?

SHERLOCK: I’m not sure, that depends on which brand of wallpaper paste you got. They're all a little different. Put some in slowly and see when the consistency is right.

ARCHIE: That doesn't sound very scientific.

SHERLOCK: Oh, chemistry is a lot like baking or cooking, you often just need to see when it gets right. There aren't always exact recipes for everything.

ARCHIE: I don't bake or cook.

SHERLOCK _(While talking he walks over to the kitchen sink, fills a small beaker with water.)_ : Oh, you should. It's basically applied chemistry. (He hands it to Archie.) Pour it in slowly.

_Archie pours the water dropwise into the beaker and stirs with the spatula until he gets a viscous, grey pulp._

SHERLOCK: That looks about right.

_He picks up the paper bag from the table. We see a close-up of the package of pipe cleaners he gets out of it._

SHERLOCK: Now you’ve got to put the mixture around this. You start with this, I’ll prepare something where we can dry them.

\-----

_THE KITCHEN. Sherlock and Archie both have a pipe cleaner in their left hand on which they distribute the grey substance with their right hand. Their right hand is smudgy with the grey substance.  
On the table is a retort stand with several metal rods perpendicularly attached to it, sticking out to all sides. It looks like a steel Christmas tree. Like Christmas tree ornaments about twenty-five pipe cleaners are already dangling from the rods. The pipe cleaners are almost completely covered in the grey substance, hooked at the end that's not covered to be hung up on the rods._

_Downstairs we hear the door.  
John in jacket and hat gets up the stairs. He sticks his head in the door. He’s got snow everywhere._

JOHN: Hi!

_He takes off his jacket and shoes in the corridor, while Sherlock and Archie both finish their last sparkler. Archie hangs his onto the steel Christmas tree. He starts to wash his hands at the sink._

ARCHIE: Can I take them home to burn them on New Year's Eve?

SHERLOCK _(hanging up his last sparkler while speaking)_ : No, I want to oversee when you're burning them. And you need crucible tongs to hold them and you need to wear safety goggles. I doubt you have those at home…?

_John joins them in the kitchen._

ARCHIE: You never need that when you burn sparklers that you buy in a shop…!

SHERLOCK: These ones emit a lot more sparks. Some of the grey stuff might fall off. I don't want you to hurt yourself. You can come around on New Year’s Day and we burn them together.

_John stares at Sherlock the who-are-you-and-what-did-you-do-to-my-flatmate?-kind-of-way._

SHERLOCK _(to John)_ : What?

JOHN: I would never have taken you for the responsible adult! Especially not in this context!

SHERLOCK: Well,... I think you should distinguish between eating ice-cream at half past five so you might not be hungry for dinner or having glowing pieces of metal fall onto your hands! Does that attitude make me a responsible adult?

JOHN _(looking at him marveling)_ : Maybe...

ARCHIE _(having finished to clean his hands)_ : What are we going to do now?

SHERLOCK: Well, Lestrade sent some pictures of a body that's been dead two weeks at least. I need to take a look at that anyway…

_Archie’s eyes start to sparkle. He puts his safety goggles onto the kitchen table and runs over to the desk in the living room to already start the computer._

_Sherlock looks after him._

SHERLOCK _(musingly to John, still looking at Archie)_ : Would it have been cooler, if we would have build quarter sticks instead of the sparklers? I had considered it, but he has started to think about taking violin lessons… Would be a shame if something happened to his fingers...

_John opens his mouth to say something but closes it again, speechlessly. Sherlock turns his head to look at John, his thoughtful expression proceeding to a grin. John still looks confused, while Sherlock walks over to the sink to wash his hands._

\------------

_LIVING ROOM. SHERLOCK’S DESK. Sherlock and Archie are sitting in front of the laptop. The doorbell rings. We hear Mrs. Hudson’s voice downstairs, then steps on the stairs. Archie's mother enters the living room. Sherlock hastily closes the laptop._

_Sherlock and Archie get up to join her at the door._

_During the following we see John critically scanning the kitchen in the background. He tests the table for residue with his finger. He looks at the sparklers on the steel Christmas tree which drop some of the grey substance onto the kitchen table._

ARCHIE’S MOM: Hello! _(to Archie)_ Did you have a nice time?

_Archie nods wildly._

_In the kitchen John turns the kitchen scale upside down. Grey powder flutters down from it onto the table._

JOHN _(speaking up to Sherlock)_ : You ARE going to clean this up, aren't you?

SHERLOCK _(indifferently)_ : Yeah, yeah…

_John joins them socially dutifully in the living-room._

ARCHIE'S MOM: Oh, hi, John again…

_John gives her an unhappy glance._

JOHN: Hi...

_Sherlock watches the interaction._

SHERLOCK: Oh, John, before I forget. I won't be here on Tuesday evening! Janine’s in town! _(Talking conspiratorially)_ If things work out… You know… _(He grins salaciously.)_ We’ll try to keep it down…

_John stares at him for a second. When Sherlock’s throws a quick glance at Archie’s Mom, John gets it and plays along._

JOHN: Yeah, sure! Good luck…

SHERLOCK _(to Archie)_ : So, do you want to come by on New Year's Day, that we can burn the sparklers?

ARCHIE _(enthusiastically)_ : Yes!

SHERLOCK: I’ll call about a time, when I know my schedule for New Year's Day...

ARCHIE’S MOM: Thanks a lot! I hope you two have a nice time with your family!

SHERLOCK _(obviously not too enthusiastic about the prospect)_ : We’ll see...

JOHN: I’m sure we will… And I think, actually… Mary will be there, too, you know...! Sherlock thought about asking her to join us at his parents’ house and I think, that's… Well, we’ll see…

ARCHIE’S MOM _(looking genuinely happy for John)_ : Oh that's nice! I hope it’ll work out for you.

JOHN: Thank you…

_Archie’s Mom gets ready to leave._

ARCHIE’S MOM: Bye! And Merry Christmas!

SHERLOCK: Bye, Archie!

ARCHIE: Bye! I hope things work out with your girlfriend!

SHERLOCK: Oh, they will - in my way! _(He winks at him.)_ Merry Christmas!

Archie and his Mom get down the stairs and leave.

SHERLOCK _(to John)_ : You shouldn't get together with Mary just to prevent rumours, if you aren't up to it yet! I think my “date” with Janine pretty much covered that…

JOHN: It's not because of the rumours… I have done some thinking about your suggestion while walking in the snow… I think it's a good idea if Mary joins us for Christmas. We should… We should talk, at least…

SHERLOCK _(smiling)_ : That's nice…!

JOHN: But anyway, thanks for your help with… For your lie about Janine.

_A little grin appears on Sherlock's face but disappears quickly._

SHERLOCK: I know you don't like these misconceptions. And you’ve got trouble enough right now…

_John smiles at him once more._

SHERLOCK: Shall I invite Mary, or do you want to ask her?

JOHN _(hesitates, then)_ : You ask her… But tell her I’d be happy to see her there as well!

_He looks down at his feet._

JOHN: I need dry socks!

_He disappears, to get upstairs to his room._

_Sherlock takes out his phone and looks at the display._

_We read:_ “I’ll be in London for a job next week. Free on Tuesday night. Care to entertain me with some deductions? J”

 _Sherlock types:_ “Kitty Flynn’s, 7:30? SH” _and hits send._

\--------  
Considering we all know what kind of plans Sherlock has made for John and himself for Christmas and what’s going to be the result of that, we can assume that Sherlock’s schedule for New Year’s Day might not allow for a meeting with Archie to burn the sparklers. But they’ll certainly make up for that once Sherlock is free for such things again.

\--------

In case you want to know when and how Sherlock and Archie met to burn the sparklers, Jolie_Black wrote a lovely though angsty follow up to this story: [Sparklers on the Roof](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5453546)

**Author's Note:**

> Considering where all the flour goes when we're baking I’m still doing my yearly New Year’s crafting without my kids, but I'm really looking forward to make this a yearly family event in a few years, when the metal powders and the potassium nitrate won't end up everywhere anymore.
> 
> There are some ingredients in the mixture for the sparklers that Sherlock and Archie put in before we join them, because I don't want you to get a complete recipe from this story. I also gave wrong quantities, so that this recipe actually doesn't work. I'm pretty sure you can google it all the same, but then you didn't get it from me…
> 
> PLEASE keep in mind that even Sherlock didn’t want people to do this without supervision, if they don't really know what they're doing.


End file.
